


The Art of Being a Ridiculous Dickcheese

by everAcclimating



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Established Relationship, Humanstuck, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-30
Updated: 2012-03-30
Packaged: 2017-11-02 18:57:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everAcclimating/pseuds/everAcclimating
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So troll Karkat has mutant blood. What's the deal with human Karkat, though?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Art of Being a Ridiculous Dickcheese

**Author's Note:**

> jk i switched their names back to normal! nothing to see here.

It's not that Karkat and Sollux don't ever fight - they do, and often - but that it's never really about anything important so they can move on relatively easily.

Sometimes they fight about important things and it's a lot more painful - both of them have their own issues, and both of them are stubborn fucks but one of them always admits defeat in the end and they make up.

They end up with the same major at the same college and they share a shitty dorm room in relative peace. Most squabbles are solved quickly and ...well, not quietly, but their neighbors aren't quiet either so fuck them if they don't want to hear shit.

It's when Karkat's near-constant manic enthusiasm for his classes (though he complains constantly, Sollux knows that is just A Thing with him) seems to wane entirely and he starts skipping them to sleep that the problems start.

Karkat _never_ skips _anything_ to sleep. He wouldn't even skip sleeping to sleep, he would just skip sleeping entirely and watch one of his stupid romantic comedies.

The dark circles under his eyes are proof of just how many fucks he gives about sleep.

He's sluggish when he's awake and even more snippish than usual; when they're in bed Karkat's heart feels like it belongs to a terrified rabbit against his chest and it's not right, so Sollux asks him - tells him to go to the doctor.

Karkat refuses.

They have a spectacular, knock-down, blow-up fight over it the day before winter break and one neighbor actually threatens to call the cops instead of an RA.

They both go home for the holiday, but not together like they'd originally planned.

Then it's several days of nothing - they're both at home with family and they still live close to one another but they don't even bother texting.

The fourth day though, Sollux's phone finally buzzes.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA] \--

CG: HEY.  
CG: SO I KNOW YOU'RE STILL MAD AT ME.  
CG: WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE I AM SUCH A SPECTACULAR FUCKASS THAT I STILL WONDER WHY YOU'RE EVER NOT MAD AT ME?  
CG: BUT I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT UH  
CG: YOU WERE RIGHT.  
CG: I'M SORRY THAT I'M SUCH A COMPLETE FUCKWAD.  
CG: I'LL STOP BUGGING YOU NOW SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT MY SORRY-ASS TEXT WHILE WE'RE ON BREAK.  
CG: I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL I GUESS?  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: I'LL SEE YOU THEN.  
CG: HAVE A GOOD BREAK.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering **twinArmageddons [TA] \--**

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

TA: waiit what?  
TA: ii wa2 eatiing diinner, what are you rambliing about?  
CG: OH.  
CG: FUCK I WASN'T PREPARED TO ACTUALLY EXPLAIN SHIT I'M KIND OF HIGH RIGHT NOW IN ALL THE WORST KINDS OF WAYS.  
CG: GO BACK TO YOUR DELICIOUS DINNER.  
TA: no.  
TA: why are you hiigh?  
TA: what the hell are you even doiing?  
CG: IT IS NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY PLEASANT.  
CG: FIRST OFF, I LOVE YOU?  
CG: HAVE I SAID THAT LATELY OR HAVE I BEEN EVEN MORE OF A DICKCHEESE THAN I THOUGHT?  
CG: ANYWAY I DO.  
TA: you have been the biggest diickchee2e.  
TA: but that ii2n't the poiint.  
TA: what are you doiing?  
CG: I'M ... SITTING.  
CG: ON A BED.  
TA: oh my god you are the fuckiing wor2t at thii2.  
CG: SHUT UP I'M NOT DONE.  
CG: BASICALLY I'M ON A BED.  
CG: IN URGENT CARE (NOT THE EMERGENCY ROOM OKAY) BECAUSE I AM A FUCKING MORON AND I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO YOU.  
CG: I'M FINE IT WAS JUST REALLY STUPID.  
TA: wow  
TA: your 2kiill2 at makiing a per2on not worriied are fuckiing beautiiful teach me how 2ometiime!  
TA: what urgent care are you at?  
TA: al2o why the fuck are you there?  
CG: APPARENTLY I'M HIDEOUSLY ANEMIC?  
CG: I HONESTLY DID NOT KNOW THAT WAS A THING I HAD TO WORRY ABOUT.  
CG: BUT UH.  
CG: I PASSED OUT AND THEY WERE TAKING ME TO THE ER BUT I WOKE UP ON THE WAY SO THEY BROUGHT ME HERE INSTEAD.  
TA: kk.  
CG: DAD IS STILL PREJUDICED AGAINST AMBULANCES I GUESS.  
CG: ANYWAY THEY DID TEN BILLION BLOOD TESTS AND I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH CRAP IN MINE.  
CG: SO THEY WERE LIKE OH NO HERE IS THIS MEDICINE AND ALSO YOU WILL BE TAKING THESE SHITTY PILLS BUT IF YOU DO THAT YOU'LL BE FINE.  
TA: kk.  
CG: SO UM I'M FINE AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME IF YOU DON'T WANT, I'M GOING HOME SOON ANYWAY.  
TA: kk 2hut the fuck up ii am comiing two 2ee you at your fuckiing hou2e if nothing el2e.  
TA: thii2 2tiill doe2n't explaiin why you're hiigh.  
CG: ... OKAY.  
CG: WE'LL BE BACK THERE IN LIKE A HALF AN HOUR.  
CG: OH THAT'S BECAUSE I BROKE MY ARM WHEN I FELL AND THEY GAVE ME SHIT FOR THE PAIN TOO.  
TA: oh my fuckiing god karkat.

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] \--

Sollux is still angry.

Fuck, he's _seething_ but a part of him is twisted up inside anyway and he gets to Karkat's house not long after they get back themselves, avoiding the other's parents with an ease given from years of practice.

They're arguing, as usual, which doesn't surprise him.

He makes his way to Karkat's bedroom and it looks the same as when they were in high school, even though Karkat doesn't.

He's a little taller, a little leaner, but now he just looks pale like he has the past few months and his arm is in a drab grey cast.

Sollux doesn't really get a good look at him though because as soon as he's through the door, he's hit in the chest by Karkat latching on to him and muttering what sounds like 'I'm sorry' over and over.

Shit, he really is high.

He just sighs, curling close to him as he remembers why they forgive each other every time one of them is a douchenozzle.

"KK, thut up."

He finally does.

"Jutht lithten to me next time." He presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth and then mutters along it, "I love you too, dickbag."

He kisses him again, and this time they end up coiled together on the too-small bed while Karkat breathes against Sollux's mouth like it's his lifeline.

Maybe they're each other's lifelines.

He's okay with that.


End file.
